Love is a beautiful thing, one that costs much more than pricey jewels. If it is given to you freely, why not give it back freely? Never hurt a heart that loves you because you might be damaging the goodness that the world lacks.
A heart that loves you seeks even greater love in return. Do well to give as received.
If you love someone, stay true to them. It will be sheer wickedness to feed the one who shows you pure love with hate.
Hurting the ones that are closer to us is something that happens naturally for many different reasons. Becoming more mindful and conscious of the ways that you may hurt the ones you love the most and the subsequent reasons behind your behavior may bring tremendous positive outcomes to your relationships.
Awareness is the first and necessary step towards positive change.
Ideally, a great focus could be to understand yourself to such an extent that it allows for minimizing both intentional and unintentional hurt to the ones that are closest to your life and heart.
Never Hurt a Heart That Loves You: 9 Consequences
1. Self-doubt and low self-esteem
Being hurt by someone one loves can make one begin to question himself. He begins to look down on his abilities and feels he isn’t just good enough or worthy of love.
2. Anxiety and depression
An uncomfortable environment filled with hurt can usher in anxiety and depression. This happens, especially with people so dear to their hearts.
Different saddening thoughts run through one’s mind and put one in a depressed state. Visiting a mental health professional will be of great help.
3. Emotional distress and pain
Emotional distress causes an intense and negative stress response when someone experiences emotions like worry, fear, frustration, anger, or sadness.
Hurting someone who loves you can cause emotional pain for them. The person becomes sad, worn out, and emotionally stressed.
4. Loss of trust and security.
Those whose love isn’t reciprocated tend to lose trust in the person who causes them pain. They feel unsafe and are not sure about the person’s intentions towards them.
5. Loneliness
Some people describe loneliness as the feeling we have when our need for social contact and relationships isn’t met.
The person being shown a hateful side just tends to withdraw and just have more ‘alone’ moments.
6. Physical health problems
Yes, an individual deprived of love can begin to have health issues.
The person’s appetite suddenly becomes reduced, which can lead to ulcers. Also, the person becomes more of an overthinker, which can result in insomnia and high blood pressure.
7. Difficulty in forming new relationships
Due to the experience of the former relationship, where hurt was the constant food, such an individual becomes very skeptical about accepting new people into his or her life.
8. Loss of interest in hobbies and passions
The person being hurt may tend to lose interest in certain things from which he originally derives joy. He no longer finds his hobbies and passions interesting and exciting. This is indeed pathetic that a man’s life can be shut down because he wasn’t loved when he needed it.
9. Risk of self-harm
Self-harm is when you hurt yourself as a way of dealing with very difficult feelings, painful memories, or overwhelming situations and experiences. This is mostly done when words aren’t enough to describe the pain, so they change emotional pain into physical pain.
Reasons Why Some Persons Hate The One That Loves Them
1. Trust and safety anomaly
People who hurt others sometimes do it because they have gotten comfortable enough to be their true selves. This is the trust and safety paradox: trusting people more means being your true self around them.
Sometimes, your true self is not the nicest version of you.
This is not to say that you were consciously hiding your true self from the people you love. Rather, it takes a certain level of trust to be completely free around people.
Whereas you would not hurt strangers, it is easy for you to lash out at your partner or sibling.
2. Fear of intimacy
Getting into a relationship is easy, but some people struggle with letting themselves be deeply known by others. You might think yourself so flawed that you never want anyone to know that side of you.
You might deflect attention from yourself to avoid getting close to others. While you do this to protect yourself, others may be hurt by your actions.
3. Avoiding codependency
You might hurt other people because you feel ‘choked’ by their affection and attention. You might enjoy spending time with them, but you still need to isolate yourself occasionally.
In some relationships, your partner might depend on you for emotional and physical needs, which can be quite overwhelming.
To get your independence back, you might do and say hurtful things. To assert your own space, you are pushing the other person away.
Being in a relationship does not mean giving up all your preferences. Wanting independence is not a bad thing; we all need alone time every so often.
With proper communication, your partner can understand your needs and give you space without feeling hurt.
4. More Time Together and Displacement
Displacement means projecting feelings connected to one person or situation onto another person.
Perhaps we displace negative emotions with the ones we spend a lot of time with because we feel mostly safe with them, but it is most definitely not a healthy tendency to be proud of.
5. Boundary Checking
This is another reason why we may be acting towards our partner in hurtful ways, which can be both conscious and unconscious.
We aim to test the boundaries and see how far we can go before they draw the line. Our behavior is shaped not only by our thoughts and feelings but also by the boundaries others set for us.
6. Lack of empathy
Some people have low empathy for others, and they end up hurting people’s feelings. They just can’t see other people’s perspectives, so they are not aware that they hurt their loved ones with their actions or words.
If you are in a relationship with someone who lacks empathy, you may often feel frustrated, disappointed, or even betrayed. But the good news is that such people do it unintentionally, so it comes down to a lack of understanding.
Empathy is a learned skill, and it is shaped by our own environment and life experiences. So if your partner is willing to change how they relate to others, this problem can be resolved with proper communication.
7. Gaining authority as protection
Criticism, name-calling, and putting your partner down are some of the hurtful things you may do. Guilt-tripping, manipulation, and emotional blackmail are indirect means of gaining control.
You may do some of these things without thinking much about them, especially if you have been conditioned to accept such treatment from loved ones.
Perhaps people hurt you when they were in control in the past. So, you decide never to relinquish control in any future relationship. It is a defense tactic you have adopted after several painful experiences.
In some cases, what you have is a fear of being vulnerable. You never want to be at the mercy of people. Because you have your way at all times, you refuse to respect others’ boundaries. You may use direct and indirect means to maintain control of the relationship.
8. Outbursts From Negative Experiences Which Can Result To Self-sabotage
Hurting the ones you love happens when you tend to ruin things, even when they are going well. There are many reasons for self-sabotage, including unresolved childhood trauma and fears.
If you link intimacy to negative experiences in your past, you tend to portray push-and-pull behavior. That is, the closer people get to you, the more you pull away.
You might have commitment issues, be extremely critical of your loved one, or even blame them for all your relationship issues.
For example, your partner may point out an issue in your relationship that needs fixing. In response, you tell him that there is nothing wrong and that he is overreacting.
In some cases, you may criticize everything your loved one does. Even those things you once loved about them become annoying.
Some people assume that this is normal after the honeymoon phase ends. In reality, you are self-sabotaging and hurting your partner in the process.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the psychology behind hurting people you love is quite complicated. You may do it intentionally or unintentionally.
Relationship counseling often delves into these patterns to understand and heal the underlying causes. Everyone expects to be treated well by their loved ones, but this is not always the reality.
Everyone expects to be treated well by their loved ones, but this is not always the reality.
Working with a counselor is a great way to uncover the underlying issues that make you hurt people. It will help you identify your triggers and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Engaging in online therapy can help you identify your triggers and develop healthy coping mechanisms. By improving yourself, you can become a better parent, sibling, and/or partner.
