If we go around asking people what they really want in their lives, you’ll hear a lot of, “I think I have to improve my social skills; I need to be more social” than not. This is definitely a concern we must tackle.
However, there are some misconceptions about being social. While it is a normal and pleasant experience to get together with people and interact with one another, being social is not what we think it is. But I guess everyone views socializing differently: maybe chilling and gisting with friends for some, maybe having small talk with employees for others.
Whichever it is for you, just know that being social is an important aspect of your total wellbeing as a person.
Several people have issues that prevent them from socializing. They battle with so many insecurities; for others, various commitments here and there can subtly steal one’s enjoyment and fun in socializing and leave you with problems ranging from low self-esteem to being reserved or hard to interact with.
These people need a break; they want to take advantage of opportunities to be friends with others; they want to improve their social skills and have mutual friends; they want to be more social.
If that’s you, then keep reading this article; we are about to let you know you can be all you want. Here’s how to be more social in simple steps:.
How To Be More Social: simple steps to being social in a healthy way
Being social is a big flex in so many ways, yet at some point in your life, your social skills can fail you and you may be left wondering how it came about.
Your social skills can either put you on the map or keep you on the spot, looking for what to say next.
Therefore, it is important to learn how to improve your social skills; this doesn’t mean you have to change yourself or your values in any way. It simply means you have to change your approach to things and people.
It will be of great benefit to you because you will feel better about yourself, manage your emotions in a mature way and maintain healthy relationships.
Step 1: Look inward
Looking inward involves learning about yourself in the best way possible. You can do this when you:
1. Take notice of your triggers and insecurities.
“I don’t think I’m beautiful enough to be seen with these kinds of people; they just won’t accept me.”
“I won’t attend the gathering because everyone will be dressed in white and I can’t afford it.”
“I can’t walk up to a person in the streets and ask their opinion on this; what if they laugh in my face?”
This and many more are the insecurities people face that make them socially reserved.
You see, a good number of us have felt insecure at some point. Insecurities stem from negativity, either from us or from other people. We then get so used to the negativity all around us that it becomes unnoticeable and keeps fueling our insecurities.
Until you notice these insecurities and tackle them, you’ll keep getting triggers whenever you want to socialize.
2. Don’t let negative thoughts get the best of you
Everyone has a little moment of anxiety; yours may be a big deal because you may be struggling with different negative thoughts that always kill your confidence and positivity. Always remember that you are not your thoughts; we all think stuff that never happens anyway.
To help yourself. First, start paying attention to your thoughts, acknowledge their presence, and give them a tag. Begin training your mind to silence them by turning it from negative to constructive. Work those negative thoughts in your favor.
Note that this process requires hard work and will involve a lot of intentional work on your part for results to be seen.
3. Tackle your fear of rejection
The fear of rejection holds so many people back from socializing. Fear of rejection may also stem from insecurities and past experiences. The fear of rejection can cripple your whole confidence and make you hide in a corner all alone.
How can you tackle this fear?
Acknowledge that everyone won’t accept you but there are people who will. The earth will still remain round whether or not you are rejected so don’t take it too personally. True, you worked hard for the opportunity, you gave your all and you were rejected. You hoped you could find great friends in a particular person or group, yet they never seem to warm up to you.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself if their energy marches with yours or if you just want to belong?
Tell yourself the truth. You might not be missing out on anything.
4. Do not compare yourself to others or think that the world revolves around you
Comparison is a self-destroyer; it kills self-esteem and makes you feel like you are joking with your life. Yet you forget in your comparison spree to compare your strengths, skills, or years of activity.
Most people who compare themselves to others haven’t had the same experience in life. Life throws different challenges at people so their struggle is not yours nor is their success. Walk on your own path.
Secondly, the world doesn’t revolve around you. You won’t be able to socialize effectively if you think that everyone is paying attention to your every move. People are busy making ends meet and even if they talk about you, it won’t take long before they hop into another trendy matter.
So, to be more social, you have to release these holds you have over yourself, stop judging yourself, and let go of the idea that everyone is judging you. You definitely feel more relaxed in your skin and relaxed enough to socialize.
5. Look for your positive sides and improve them.
We’ve spent so much energy trying to look good for the outside world and neglected to please ourselves. This is the time to channel your energy toward you. What are your strengths? What have you accomplished? What do you hope to accomplish? Look around and find your strength.
Have something to offer yourself before you can extend your hand in friendship.
Step 2: Practice effective communication.
Communication is not a one-sided conversation; it involves two or more people’s understanding of each other. Therefore, to be more social, you have to learn and practice communication effectively. That is, you must work to get results.
This is why the first step is very important. You can’t jump to effective communication when you’ve not sorted out your personal issues and what’s been holding you back.
How can you practice effective communication?
1. Start up a conversation
Small talk matters and it’s almost very easy to start one. Look for middle ground between you and the person or have an icebreaker question at hand. This is a good conversation starter. If the person warms up to you, congratulations! You’ve done a great deal. If not, don’t lose hope; remember, this is your first step to being social.
2. Be a good listener
Listening is a good way to show interest in a person. Everyone likes to be heard so you cannot go wrong with being a good listener. When listening, avoid interrupting the person mid-sentence and learn to ask follow-up questions to show you are curious.
By listening to a person, you learn a few things about that person. You get to know their values, what’s important to them and what they think of you.
3. Learn to be open-minded
Everyone is unique in their own way so try to be open-minded. Most people can’t socialize because they think they’re different from everyone else. They are stuck in their minds and refuse to leave that cage.
But when you open up your mind to learning about people’s differences and uniqueness, you’ll see yourself meeting new people eager to get to know you more.
4. Smile and have open body language
Smiles rarely go wrong. It first eases worries about a person you intend to talk to, then releases tension from your mind once you see the person is open to receiving you. That’s the same for body language. It says a lot about a person; your stance can either look inviting or intimidating and may either let people come close or be repelled.
5. Give genuine compliments
Another social skill that cannot go wrong is receiving compliments. A compliment can even be an icebreaker for a conversation to start. A genuine compliment makes you seem sociable and the other person would be interested in what you have to say. Most importantly, make sure your compliment is specific.
Step 3: Ease into social settings
“ease” because it keeps you on your toes. You shouldn’t just barge into the social world while still a newbie; take your time to learn the ropes and soon you’ll be swinging through with others.
How can you ease into socializing?
1. Get involved with people
Getting involved with people will help you be more social. Start small by maybe getting a new hobby, volunteering for a cause you care about, etc. When you are involved in something, you tend to make small talk with people here and there. This will ease up your social phobia and prepare you for bigger things.
2. Accept more social invitations
If you are one to reject invites from friends and colleagues, maybe regarding a birthday or other celebrations, start accepting invitations and prepare to attend. Keep the first two steps in mind and at hand and you’re good to go.
3. Go out by yourself
To be more social, start going out by yourself. Set your delivery mode to pickup, not doorstep delivery so you can interact with people around you. For a walk and ease into conversation with fellow walkers around.
4. Join a club or sign up for a class
Finding your niche is important. Instead of moving solo on everything, join a group. You want to travel; for once, don’t go solo. If you want to take a class, though solo options are available, opt for a group class so you can learn to share your ideas and converse with people of like mind.
5. Do not limit yourself
Versatility is good so do not limit yourself to a certain place or people. Explore your interests and try your hand at other things. Don’t worry if you fail at some; it’s all part of your lessons on how to be more social.
On a final note
Being social is more helpful to you and society. Humans are social beings; therefore, a lack of community can affect your personal growth and wellbeing.
It is true that a lot of people have disorders that prevent them from being social even when they want to. On this note, you should seek professional help. Don’t keep it to yourself.
However, for others who decide to be more sociable, the above steps will help you, as within a period of time, you’ll ease adequately into the social scene.
