How To Be Less Dependent In A Relationship: 15 Efficient Ways

Every relationship is meant to be mutual or symbiotic. When one person depends solely on the other emotionally, financially, and otherwise, it becomes toxic. The relationship turns out to be parasitic.

People become dependent on others (friends and lovers) due to low self-esteem, trust issues, and underlying guilt. Some others may be dependent due to family background or fear of losing the other person. Whatever the reason, you can always overcome it.

If you find out that you are becoming overly dependent, you need to back off. How to be less dependent in a relationship: spend time with yourself and learn to make decisions alone. You can also prioritize your needs through self-affirmation exercises.

Why You Are Dependent In Your Relationship?

Fear

The fear of losing their friend or lover makes them overly dependent. Individuals who have been victims of abandonment or rejection develop fear within and, as a result, depend on others in virtually everything. He or she does this to avoid being abandoned or rejected.

Low self-esteem is a great monster in people’s lives. People who have issues with low self-esteem seek validation from others. Their sense of value is dependent on others’ perceptions. This is one of the reasons why you are dependent. They think they cannot fully succeed or be stable financially without having someone to rely solely on.

Emotional Needs

People whose emotional needs are not met during childhood may seek refuge or succour in any relationship. Children whose parents are not around during childhood to cater for them usually fall prey. Those who have a bad relationship with their parents also fall into this category. They are hungry for love from one another. They think their emotional needs and support will be met by someone else.

Traumatic Experience

Someone who has had a traumatic experience, either from a business deal, a past relationship, etc., may develop emotional or any other dependency.  They develop this as a coping mechanism. They think the only way they can be safe or forget about this experience is through dependence. This is one of the reasons you are dependent.

Society Influences

Social media has painted a certain picture of a romantic relationship. This influences the lifestyle and choices of some people. For ladies, through the influence of social media or friends, they think that if a guy loves them, he must be able to meet their needs. He should provide Financially, emotionally, physically, etc. This makes them parasites and lazy to depend solely on a man. This is one reason why you are dependent.

How To Be Less Dependent In A Relationship: 15 Ways You Can Do It.

1. Self-Awareness

You need to know yourself. Outside of the relationship, who are you, what do you want, and what is your value system? Asking these questions will stir up something in you that will make you want more. It will make you not want to find  so much help and lose yourself in a relationship

This is how to be less dependent in a relationship. You can do this through meditation and self-reflection.

2. Take Decisions

It might be difficult at first because habits are not built in a day. Don’t allow your lover to decide for you. Take the bull by the horn. Even the little things, such as the food you eat or the clothes you wear,. This will build confidence in you that you can do it alone without help.

You are in charge of your life; no one else is. This is how to become less dependent in a relationship. Be assertive and stand up for yourself.

3. Self-Love

The absence of self-love is part of what makes one overly dependent in a relationship. Independent people put others before themselves unconsciously. They value the praise and love from others. How to be less dependent in a relationship is by loving and valuing yourself.

Always say nice things to yourself. Take care of yourself. Take yourself on an outing and spend your money instead of waiting for someone else. Go to the gym if you can to exercise and massage your body. Doing this will make you focus more on yourself and do things on your own, thereby making you less dependent.

4. Be Responsible For Your Actions

Own up to your mistakes and negative actions. This builds the consciousness of independence. Don’t blame your significant other or friends for having a bad day; rather, take responsibility for anything that happens.  Shifting blame or blaming people for any ill luck will make you depend on them to fix anything broken. This is how to be less dependent in a relationship.

5. Thoughtful Exercise

Low self-esteem contributes to dependence in a relationship. Hence, doing something that will deflate it and build confidence will build independence. You can do this through thoughtful exercise.

Thoughtful exercises are formulated to conquer negative thoughts. Instead of echoing ‘I can not succeed in this business, without the constant financial help from my lover, look at yourself and say I can.’

6. Maintain the things you love

I see a lot of people neglect what they love or have an interest in once they are engaged or in a relationship. Thereby, making them dependent. Keep doing your hobbies or passions outside your relationship. Don’t pause your life because of a new friend. Doing this consistently will serve as a reminder of who you were before you met that person. It will make you less dependent.

7. Set Boundaries

Set certain parameters to keep you in check and make you less dependent. Let your partner or friends know you want to make some changes. Tell them No to what you don’t want to do, and stick to it always. This will make you less of a human pleaser and less dependent.

E.g If you don’t want to go out often or at a particular time, simply say No when he or she wants to talk you into doing it.

8. Take Inventory Of Patterns

What are the patterns in your life? What triggers your dependence? Do you become anxious when you are about to do a particular thing? What activates your need to please others more than yourself?

Check out your past relationships and note the patterns. These are things that will help you identify the root cause of your dependence. It will make you less dependent.

9. Set Goals

Do you have any goals in life or are you living on the goals of your friend? No wonder you have remained dependent on him or her.

Try to write down what you would love to achieve. It could be career-related or family-related. Writing this down and going through it daily will make you more conscious. It will let you know how much you have sacrificed on the altar of dependence. It will stir up anger that will motivate you to take action.

10. Get A Job

Are you a stay-at-home mom? Are you jobless? Is your present job as good as nothing?

If yes, then you need to get a job or another one. Finance is one of the things that makes people dependent on each other in relationships. They sort out their needs basically in the pockets of others.

The moment you want a way out, then you must get a job. Even if it is not the one you desire, get one, it will breed an independent spirit. Additionally, it will trigger you into getting a better one. It will make you regain your worth. According to Romanoff, ‘Finding a job will also  help with personal meaning and feelings of self-worth.’

11. Learn The Meaning Of A Symbiotic Relationship

The problem you might have had may be that you lack the true meaning of a healthy relationship. This made you paint certain pictures in your mind and overdo things. Read about it, Google it or ask people. A healthy relationship is one in which both parties take care of their personal needs, express themselves freely and are not dependent on each other for happiness. A symbiotic relationship does not sell his or her joy to the other. This is how to be less dependent in a relationship.

 12. Talk To A Therapist

You might have taken other measures but it seems it is not working at all or in the way you desire. You can talk to a therapist. They can help you with coping skills or mechanisms. Talking to a professional is one of the ways you can be less dependent in a relationship.

13. Have A Clear Understanding That You Are In Charge Of Your Emotions/ Emotional Intelligence.

Have a clear understanding that others can make you feel happy but only you can bring genuine joy into your life. Let this be your consciousness. When you realise that your mood or happiness is not dependent on others, it makes you less dependent. Your friend must not calm you down before you become calm. Develop your emotional intelligence by counteracting stressful situations with humour and laughter.

14. Communicate With Your Partner

The step to freedom might be talking to a friend or partner. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk; the individual might not recognise that something wrong is going on. Tell him or her how doing certain things by yourself will help the relationship. Communicating with him or her using your unhappiness and insecurity. Learn to communicate with others.

15. Learn How To Manage Money

While some problems may lie in not having a job, others may lie in extravagance. They make money, spend it recklessly, and fall back into the hands of their partner for help. If you are part of this group, you need to learn how to save money and stop overspending. Create systems that will help you save and take control of your money. This will give you one to fall back on in times of serious problems. Consequently, it makes you less dependent.

Final Words

A good relationship is one in which both parties help each other and grow together. Practice self-love, get a job and find yourself, these are ways to be less dependent in a relationship. Independence is all you should strive to become.