Defining virginity is not straightforward, as sex and virginity can mean various things to different individuals.
Virginity means different things in different societies, and its definition has shifted with time. Most studies and many people define loss of virginity as having penile-vaginal intercourse for the first time. Yet this is a heteronormative definition of sex that excludes many sex acts; there are many other sex acts apart from penile-vaginal intercourse.
Sometimes and in some settings, it could be necessary to find out if your partner is a virgin and this is so for many reasons. How exactly can you ascertain if your partner or your friend, in whatever context, is a virgin? How can you also tell if a guy is a virgin since they have no physical proof of being a virgin?
Read along as we delve into this topic on how to ask someone if they are a virgin.
How to Ask Someone If They Are a Virgin Without Asking
“I am a virgin” can mean different things to different people. As adolescents tussle with the emotionally charged issue of virginity, their definition of “being a Virgin” could be misinterpreted. Some adolescents might not have engaged in penile-vaginal sexual acts but may have engaged in various sexual acts, such as oral or anal sex and still consider themselves to be abstinent.
A survey of 1101 college students found that anal intercourse, oral sex, and stimulating a partner to orgasm were all behaviors that could be defined as abstinent behaviors. So many individuals, at various times, who engage in a range of sexual acts that are not vaginal intercourse, consider themselves to be “practical virgins.”
Now to answer the important question, which is how to ask someone if they are a virgin without asking
Method 1
The first and most important way to find out if a girl is a virgin without asking her is by well…asking her, and it’s that simple!
If you’re with a girl that you like and see a potential future with her, then just ask her outright. You should also be ready to be transparent about your sexual life.
Communication is key in every relationship. So as an individual, if the subject of virginity is important to you and one of your strong values, you must relay that question to your partner.
Method 2
You could bring up the question by asking about his/her previous relationships after sharing details about your previous relationship, then, as you discuss, make it known to the concerned individual that you are still a virgin; of course, that’s if you are, then ask if she is.
Also, you can ask her about what she thinks is necessary for a relationship, and when she asks you the same, you tell her that you value virginity.
It is important to note that sex and sexuality are merely one aspect of a potential marital relationship. When this kind of conversation is carried out between the two of you, the bond necessary for your relationship will also build, and communication will grow. Communication is a big cornerstone of a relationship and you must be able to communicate and share with ease.
Method 3
You could also ask someone if they’re a virgin by talking and discussing milestones.
You might discuss general life milestones. For example, “Do you remember your first kiss?” Such conversations can sometimes naturally lead to discussions about other first-time experiences, including sexual acts they might have engaged in.
It’s also advantageous to follow this route to find out the individual’s understanding of virginity, as they might misunderstand virginity as just being a Penile-Vaginal sexual act of abstinence.
Method 4
You could also set up some hypothetical scenarios; this could give you some insight into if they’re a virgin or not. The discussion could go like this: “If you were advising someone about their first time, what would you say?”
Following all these steps, you would be able to ask someone if they’re a virgin without asking.
How To Tell If He’s A Virgin
The average age of loss of virginity is around 17 years old for both males and females. However, fewer high school students are having sex.
In 2007, 47.8% of high schoolers had had sex. By 2017, the figure had dropped to 39.5%. Research published in 2005 found that, among adults aged 25–44, 97% of men and 98% of women have had vaginal intercourse. Research published in 2013 found 1–2% of adults remain virgins into their forties.
How then can you tell if your partner falls within this ratio of individuals that have lost their virginity or if he’s still a virgin? Well, let’s see. If he’s a virgin, you might observe the following:
1. He is Nervous About Physical Affection
People are often nervous when they are carrying out an activity they have no experience with. Small touches like holding hands, pecking on the cheek, or even accidentally brushing against one another might cause him to take a step back.
This type of nervousness could signal that he is a virgin.
2. Intimacy Ends Very Quickly
Once you have sex, you might question if he was a virgin. A clear sign of this is premature ejaculation. Intimacy will end very quickly, mainly due to overexcitement and lack of experience.
3. He Can’t Communicate What He Wants
An individual will be able to tell you how to satisfy him if he knows. However, a male virgin with no experience will not be able to communicate his preferences.
4. He Stops Fooling Around Before Things Go Too Far
No matter how tempting or seducing you might try to be, a man who is a virgin and wishes to remain a virgin will stop fooling around when he feels things are progressing too fast. He will tell you he wants to wait or he feels that things are moving too fast.
5. His Foreplay is Underwhelming
His lack of experience might be evident if his foreplay game is not great. If he goes directly for the main attraction while skipping the kissing, cuddling, and other fun activities, it shows that he has little or no experience with sex.
6. He Acts Shy When Faced With Nudity
When you undress before him or if he’s faced with your nudity, he feels extremely uneasy and uncomfortable and this is because he has no experience of females being nude in front of him. Also, if you approach him when he’s nude, he may feel self-conscious about his body for many reasons. Being a virgin means he probably has less experience being nude in front of others.
7. He Exaggerates His Sexual Exploits
I’m sure you’re familiar with the popular adage “The empty drum makes the loudest noise”, This could be the experience of some virgin men.
Far too many men are guilty of exaggerating their experience when it comes to sexual encounters. If he talks on and on about his various sexual escapades, there is a chance he is covering the fact that he hasn’t had a full sexual experience yet.
8. Your Dates Only Take Place in Public
If he only takes you to public places for dates, then there’s a big possibility that he is a virgin. To avoid the likelihood of a sexual encounter, he might insist that all dates take place in a public place.
9. He Hints at the Importance of Virginity
If he continually talks about the necessity or advantages of being a virgin until marriage, it might be that he has moral or religious objections to sex outside of marriage, and this could be another way to tell that he’s a virgin.
10. He Acts Awkward On Bed
If you experience no communication in bed, This is another classic sign of male virginity. Awkwardness can be there for new partners but if the man is awkward about you being naked and what should be his next step, this may be the first time he’s experienced such things.
11. Knows What To Do At All times
If he knows what to do and how to do it, it means that he has had sex before and is not a virgin. Even if he says that he has never done anything else than kissing or touching, there is no way that you can trust him now. He might have lost his virginity to someone else in the past and kept it a secret from you.
12. Your Partner Is Shy While Touching You
If he is shy when it comes to touching you, this may indicate that he is still a virgin. A person’s first time should be with someone they care deeply about and will want to do it again and again. If your boyfriend is not comfortable with physical contact then this could mean that he is still a virgin.
13. Permission Seeker
While making love, a first-timer will almost always ask for permission before taking any new step during sexual intimacy.
It is most likely that if he is a virgin, then he has no experience in this field, Getting intimate will therefore challenge him a bit since he has not been in such a position before. He will often ask for you to let them do what they want to do. He might be confused from time to time about what he’s supposed to do and might even feel like he’s hurting you, so he might always be asking questions and seeking permission during sexual intimacy.
Is It Ok To Ask a Girl If She is a Virgin?
Here comes one bordering question.
Is it ok to ask a girl if she is a virgin? Won’t she feel disrespected, humiliated or embarrassed?
Asking someone if they are a virgin is a very personal and sensitive question, and it’s generally considered inappropriate to ask directly, especially if you don’t have a close, trusting relationship with the person.
Perhaps she might even see the need to throw in one or two lies when answering the question. What’s even the certainty you have that she will tell you the truth?
What if she’s among those individuals who see virginity as having no history of penile-vaginal sexual intimacy, but she’s engaged in other sexual intimacy that has kept her hymen preserved?
Before throwing the big question her way, ask yourself the purpose of the question and reflect on why you want to know. If the information is not crucial to your relationship or interaction, it might be best to let the topic arise naturally if at all or just let it go
If you decide to bring up the topic, choose an appropriate time and setting. Ensure it’s a private, comfortable, and safe environment for such a discussion. Don’t keep her in a tense situation or come from a judgmental angle.
If you must ask her, ensure that you foster an environment where open and respectful communication is encouraged. If you cannot manage this, you should forget about asking the question. You should also be able to listen without judgement.
Another important thing to note is the fact that there should be mutual disclosure. Before asking her about her virginity, share your own experiences; this way, she will be more comfortable opening up.
Before asking a girl if she’s a virgin, ensure that you build trust. She should be able to trust you with her secret information in the hope that you won’t let her down by spreading the information to others. When she trusts you, she will also be comfortable divulging more information.
Furthermore, everyone has the right to privacy regarding their intimate lives. Such questions can make people feel uncomfortable or judged.
Also, note that the context of your relationship with the person is crucial. If you are in a romantic relationship and both feel comfortable discussing intimate details, the topic might come up naturally. However, even in such situations, it should be approached with sensitivity and respect.
Should I Ask My Girlfriend If She’s A Virgin?
Asking your girlfriend if she is a virgin is a delicate matter and should be approached with care and respect. Here are some points to consider:
1. Reflect on Your Motives
Ask Yourself the “Why” question. Understand why you want to ask this question. Make sure your intentions are respectful and that you’re not driven by curiosity or societal pressures. If not, it would be very disrespectful of you.
2. Remember, She Has A Right To Her Privacy
Everyone has the right to privacy regarding their intimate life. Be mindful that this question can make her feel like you are invading her private space and could plunge her into fits of discomfort.
3. Remember To Be Gentle And Respectful
Approach the topic with sensitivity knowing how sensitive it is especially to the females. You might start with a broader conversation about your relationship and intimacy. For example, you could say, “I would want us to share our experiences in our past intimate relationships.”
4. Consider Alternative Discussions
Instead of directly asking about virginity, consider discussing your views and values about intimacy and relationships. After all, it’s not all about virginity, but the true morals of the individual, which might have changed over the years.
Two Finger Test For Virginity
According to the UN, the practice of so-called “virginity testing” has been documented in at least 20 countries around the world; among them is the United States. One such virginity test is the two-finger test for Virginity. A doctor performs the test by inserting a finger into the female’s vagina to check the level of vaginal laxity, which is used to determine if she is “habituated to sexual intercourse”.
However, the usefulness of these criteria has been questioned by medical authorities and opponents of virginity testing because vaginal laxity and the absence of a hymen can both be caused by other factors and the “two-finger test” is based on subjective observation.
A recently published investigation by Marie Claire and the Fuller Project found physicians in the US still receive requests to perform virginity tests.
And there are no clear guidelines from major US medical organizations on how doctors should address it—perhaps because, as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists implies, it’s a procedure that’s not medically valid.
A virginity test is the pseudoscientific practice and process of determining whether a woman or girl is a virgin, It is used to determine if she has ever been engaged in or been subjected to vaginal intercourse. The test typically involves a check for the presence of an intact hymen, typically on the flawed assumption that it can only be and will always be torn as a result of vaginal intercourse.
Virginity testing is widely considered controversial because of its implications for the tested women and girls, as it is viewed as unethical, and because several such tests are widely considered to be unscientific. In cases of suspected rape, child sexual abuse, or other forms of sexual assault, a detailed examination of the hymen may be performed, but the condition of the hymen alone is often inconclusive.
In October 2018, the UN Human Rights Council, UN Women and the World Health Organization (WHO) called for the ban of virginity testing as it is a painful, humiliating and traumatic practice that constitutes violence against women.
Conclusion
When it comes to relationships and sex, virginity is a cunning concept. Make sure you know how to deal with possessiveness while discussing the topic of virginity with your partner. Because possessiveness can worsen the situation. Ensure that, when asking an individual about their virginity, that they’re comfortable and do not feel that you are judging them. You should also be able to trust them and take their word for it.
Furthermore, as doctors and scientists will tell you, no test or exam can reliably and accurately determine whether a girl or a woman has had sex and consequently assess whether she’s a “virgin.” The very idea of such a test is to discriminate against one’s gender.
