When we talk of expectations in relationships, they are the certain things we expect from our partner. How we expect them to behave or treat us. And these are just opinions about what we think the other person needs to do or what we believe a relationship should look like.
Everyone has certain expectations in relationships and it’s okay to have expectations but sometimes our expectations might not always match those of our partners. The reason why there is a need for us to consider healthy expectations in relationships is because some people’s expectations in relationships are unrealistic and unhealthy. When you don’t have healthy expectations in relationships, it will always result in a clash of interest between you and your partner, thereby causing conflict.
For instance, there are people who expect their partners to have the mind-reading abilities to know what is wrong with them; they expect their partner to change their values; they expect their partner to always agree to the things they say, e.t.c. These are expectations that people could have but these are not healthy expectations in relationships.
Having healthy expectations sets a balance between you and your partner. Your expectations should not be centered on your own personal interests alone. You have to be considerate of your partner’s needs and expectations as well. This is why partners need to have an open conversation where they discuss their expectations instead of making assumptions that their partners will meet their undiscussed expectations.
Healthy Expectations in Relationships
Here are some of the things that both partners can expect in relationships:
1. Respect
Everyone deserves to be respected by their partners in a relationship. It’s one of the healthy expectations in relationships. Its very important that partners value each other’s perspective and their needs by not always manipulating or forcing your way on them. Respect is one of the basis of healthy relationship—a relationship devoid of constant argument and fighting. So everyone expects a partner who loves them to respect them. This is a kind of expectation that won’t cause misunderstanding between partners since it’s something that both partners expect from each other. It’s a mutual expectation, one that’s very important and necessary for every relationship.
2. Mutual trust
Trust should be the foundation of every relationship. What’s a relationship without trust ? A relationship without trust can not stand the test of time. When you are in a relationship with someone, you expect them to trust you. It is important for a healthy and long-lasting relationship. When there is trust in a relationship, bickering and arguing over trivial issues are avoided.
Partners would be able to communicate openly with each other and express their minds to each other. When there is trust, partners are more likely to be vulnerable and open up to each other. This strengthens the relationship and promotes security and cooperation between partners. This is what an ideal relationship should look like.
3. Emotional support
Emotional support is another thing that can be considered part of healthy expectations in relationships. You expect your partner to be there for you when you are down, to be able to give you a listening ear when needed, and to be able to give you a shoulder to lean on when you need one. This is what emotional support is all about and all these are things that your partner should be able to do for you.
The ability of your partners to offer you comfort when you are going through a difficult time or having a difficult time is what is referred to as getting emotional support from your partner. When you are not emotionally available for your partner, they can begin to feel unloved or uncared for. This is why partners should make it a duty to be emotionally available for their partners. It’s one thing you should be willing to do for someone you love.
4. Affection
It’s normal to expect our loved ones to show us affection. This serves as a form of reassurance that our partners love us. People show and express their affection in different ways. This is why you need to know about your partner’s love language. Know how they want love to be expressed to them, whether it’s through reassuring words, gift, or any other romantic gesture. Having this conversation will help you know what your partner expects from you and how best to show your affection to them. Affection is therefore one of the most important healthy expectations that promotes deep connection and bonding between partners.
5. Quality time
Everyone has different expectation of what they believe a relationship should look like. While some might think spending time with their partner is not important. However, spending quality time with your partner strengthens the relationship and increases the bond between them. There is need for partner to make out time out of their busy schedule to spend with their partner. It’s important to have this conversation with your partner to make sure they are on the same page with you.
6. Appreciation
Showing appreciation and gratitude is something everyone must learn to do in their relationships. We must all learn to appreciate the little things; this promotes healthy relationships and helps one focus on the strengths of our partner rather than their weaknesses.
7. Commitment
In a healthy relationship, there is a need for commitment between the two partners. However, commitment means different things to different people. You need to know what commitment means to your partner and their level of commitment. This will help you know the level of commitment you can expect from them.
Commitment, as one of the healthy expectations in relationships, needs to be defined by both partners in order to avoid being overwhelmed. It’s essential for partners to show equal level of commitment to each other so that one partner doesn’t feel like they are not getting enough commitment like they give in the relationship.
8. Compromise
There are times when partners will have disagreement. There will be a clash of interest between partners and this is where compromise comes in. The two partners are expected to consider each other’s feelings and interests and find a way they can reach a mutual concession.
The ability to compromise is one important thing that everyone who wants to be in a relationship must have. It is a tool to manage and resolve differences in a relationship. Your partner expects you to be able to compromise and not always enforce your interest on them, even when it’s against their interest. This is why compromise is said to be one of the healthy expectations in relationships.
Unhealthy Expectations in Relationships
Having considered healthy expectations in relationships, let’s find out some expectations that can be considered unhealthy.
1. Expecting Perfection from your partner
One of the most unrealistic and unhealthy expectation that people have about their partner is perfection. Some people expect that their partner will be without fault or mistake, forgetting the fact that no one is actually perfect; everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and partners should be able to tolerate each other and correct themselves in love. Expecting perfection is an unhealthy expectation; having this expectation will constantly result in misunderstandings between partners.
2. Expecting to always get whatever you want from your partner
Some people may start holding grudges with their partners whenever their partner refuses to do the things they want. This is an unhealthy expectation because the truth is that the fact that your partner loves you doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll always get everything you want or need from them.
3. Expecting your partner to always apologize first
Having an expectation or belief that your partner should always be the first to apologize after an argument or misunderstanding is an unhealthy expectation and it’s unfair to your partner. Having this kind of expectation can lead to prolonged fights and quarrels. You should be willing to resolve any form of misunderstanding you have with your partner and be willing to apologize, especially when you are wrong. It doesn’t make you feel less or reduce your worth.
4. Mind-reading abilities
There are people who assume that their partner should be able to read their minds and feelings. They should be able to guess how they feel every time, even when they don’t express their feelings. Having open and honest conversation is the best way to communicate your thought and feelings to your partner, instead of always expecting them to be able to read your mind.
Conclusion
Everyone has expectations of what an ideal relationship should look like or of certain things you expect from your partner. We have been able to see some examples of unhealthy and healthy expectations in a relationship. Whatever your expectations are, it’s important to have an open and genuine conversation with your partner. This lets your partner know what you expect from them and what they also expect from you. This will bring about understanding in relationships and promote healthy relationships.
