Life throws different challenges our way and dealing with difficult people is one of them. Many people have had to face people who showed extreme toxic traits that made life at home, school, work or in the community difficult for them and I doubt anyone looks forward to interacting with a difficult person.
Most times, these people are subjected to physical and mental breakdowns because they don’t know how to deal with the situation.
Difficult is a term used to describe people whose behavior or lifestyle poses a strain on your job, duties or relationships. These kinds of people make it tough for one to maintain a healthy relationship with them and others. Honestly, it is so unfortunate that difficult people are everywhere. When it comes to dealing with this kind of person, it is really tough to hold back and bear it. In fact, difficult people are difficult to deal with—the irony in it all!
However, you can decide to be difficult as a response or not. You may either curtail the situation in your own difficult way or aggravate it, so it’s best to deal with difficult people after assessing the problem and not being rash in your response.
Difficult people are a lot of other things and can bring real problems to your physical, mental and emotional health. Their unpleasantness may even spread beyond your interaction point; it lingers in your mind, messes with your work and puts a strain on your self-esteem among many other things.
That being said, it is really important to deal with difficult people after understanding their traits. Instead of focusing on the problem and getting panicked, why don’t we focus on how to control the problem and grow our peace of mind?
In this step-by-step guide, we are going to express some very helpful strategies and steps to help you address difficult people once and for all.
How to Know a Difficult Person
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Various opinions have stated that you know a difficult person when you see one, others decide that difficult people are spotted after constant interaction and periods of working together.
There are several characteristics a difficult person displays, they include:
- Callousness; being insensitive and unsympathetic towards other people’s well-being
- Argumentative; provokingly expressing a counter opinion
- Grandiosity; pompous, arrogant and domineering
- Risk taking; going extra length to prove a point
- Aggressiveness; hostile and ill-mannered towards others
- Judgmental; overly critical of other people
- Close Mindedness; self opinionated
- Verbally abusive; making offensive speeches
- Manipulative; controlling others in words or actions
Why are people difficult?
Why people are difficult to deal with is a difficult question to answer. There are so many reasons that vary in their own way. These reasons can be relative or subjective, as opinions everywhere are.
Everyone has their own personality and these personality differences are enough to make anyone clash if they are not open to dealing with issues in a healthy way. Though it is important to know the WHY behind an action, “why” does not translate to being intolerant or unpleasant to other people, nor does the reason justify their actions.
Though understanding the cause of their behavior may not ease your mind or make you tolerate their injurious behavior, it would equip you with technical ways of dealing with them.
A few reasons why people are difficult are as follows:
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Personality Issues
According to the Myer Briggs personality classification, every person has either a combination or a contrast with another. Simply implies that some people have stronger personalities than others. So they tend to clash when they’re not taking the same train or going in the same direction.
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Communication issues
When messages are not clearly communicated or if the other party does not have an understanding mind, misunderstandings are inevitable.
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Personal issues
Personal problems play a huge role in a person’s being difficult. These people might have relationship problems, lingering illnesses, money problems, etc and these problems get into them so much that they find it hard to reason with anybody.
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Traumatic events
Experiencing any kind of trauma is enough to make anyone’s life difficult. It may not even be intentional but at times these people encounter similar situations that trigger their trauma; hence, they rely on being difficult to deal with it.
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Conflicts and disagreement
Unresolved conflicts between you and a partner can bring difficult characters to any relationship. One person will start acting out and the other will get lost.
How to Deal with Difficult People: Expert Techniques on How to Deal with Difficult People Effectively
1. Understand why the person is difficult
Understanding why a person is difficult can be a stepping stone to dealing with the problem. Those five points mentioned earlier can be the issue the person is going through. Yes, it’s true that we should not let whatever is going on in our lives affect people around us, but that one is easier said than done.
It is very challenging to have empathy for someone who’s been making your life miserable but knowing the causative agent would be a huge help. In fact, it is a big flex because you may end up killing two birds with one stone if you are successfully able to get a difficult person to open up about his issues. Even if it might not be your business.
2. Stay calm, not defensive
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Staying calm and composed when someone is yelling at you, threatening you or being a thorn in your flesh sounds like a myth but it is a very likely myth.
The situation might be rough and trigger your own issues and you might want to get all defensive. Self awareness is the key here. Natasha Bowman, an author who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, explains that “Self-awareness and self-regulation are critical skills for managing problematic behavior. You can stay calm and composed in challenging situations by recognizing your triggers and learning to regulate your emotions.”
It is really important to stay calm because a difficult person would not mind using your actions against you to gain support and prove that you often overreact in the face of crises and even end up making you look bad to people. You can take a deep breath and a step back, then plan to come back to it when you are in a better frame of mind.
This sounds so much like you having to give up comfort on your side for peace and a difficult person may try to take advantage of that. So when you decide on a follow-up conversation, make sure you stick to it because the issue has to be confronted, not swept under the rug.
3. Use effective communication methods
Effective communication in this scenario can be done in different ways:
First, look at things from a difficult person’s perspective. Now, this does not mean agreeing with them, but it will help you lay out your complaints clearly and may pass on an understanding mindset to the person.
Secondly, look for a middle ground. If a compromise is to be made, search for something that can benefit both of you, come to an agreement that may help you live more tolerably with each other.
4. Deal with difficult people differently
Difficult people are everywhere. They may be your co-worker, sibling, parents or even spouse. You should learn to deal with different types of difficult people differently. So the technique used in handling your co-worker should be very different from how you engage family members or a friend.
Your co-worker might be suffering from work related stress and takes it out on you. You can let your director know that someone is constantly being aggravating and let him handle it.
Your family members or friends, on the other hand, might be a little more aggravating because these are people you have intimate relationships with. By now you should have been well acquainted with the person’s character, so setting boundaries is a good place to start and you should not be afraid of doing so to protect your peace of mind.
5. Establish boundaries
One way or another, you need to overcome your fear of conflict and set strict boundaries. If you don’t stand up for yourself, you might end up being treated poorly. This doesn’t mean you should start a conflict, no, it means everyone needs to be treated with respect, including you. So you should not expect any less from a difficult person.
You should not give a difficult person the leverage to walk all over you because you are scared of a conflict arising from a confrontation. Start by setting a limit to your interaction with such a person. If you have to work in an enclosed space with each other or talk, ensure a third party is around so that if things get heated, there will be a seemingly sane person around to maintain order.
Dealing with negative and difficult people, among other things, can take a significant toll on your physical and psychological well-being. But being equipped with the tools to deal with the situation, learning to have difficult conversations and changing our own responses to conflict can go a long way in fostering healthy balance with the people in our lives .
