Dear reader, this article comes with a sense of sobriety and urgency, and this is due to the importance attached to the subject matter we will consider together, the matter of insecurity in relationships.
I’m certain you’ve heard about insecurity and know what it means, but for the sake of clarity, let’s get a dictionary definition.
According to the Cambridge dictionary, insecurity is a feeling of lacking confidence and not being sure of your own abilities or whether people like you. Also, according to the Mariam Webster dictionary, insecurity is a state or feeling of anxiety, fear, or self-doubt.
This means an insecure woman is one who lacks confidence, feels inadequate, doubts her own abilities, and can’t trust another person.
A woman can get insecure for a variety of reasons, and this usually affects her ability to function properly in a relationship. Insecure people make relationships difficult to be in, and this can take a toll on the other partner.
Thus, the purpose of my article today is to point out the dangers of dating an insecure woman to the menfolk. It can also be useful for women to see how insecurity is damaging their relationships with their partners. This is sure going to be interesting, so grab a box of cookies and a glass of milk. Let’s shake some tables!
First of all, insecurity in a relationship creates a toxic atmosphere that hinders the growth of love and bonding between a couple.
It’s like walking through a minefield; you never know when you step on a mine and when it will go off. And of course, you’re more likely to be harmed than saved.
Before we examine the dangers of dating an insecure woman, let’s find out what makes a woman insecure. There are several things that make a woman insecure; these include but are not limited to:
- Unpleasant past relationships
- Previous trauma
- Low confidence in herself
- Experiences of neglect or mistreatment
- Social anxiety
- Fear of rejection
These factors make it dangerous to date an insecure woman. The dangers of dating an insecure woman are explained below.
8 Dangers Associated With Dating An Insecure Woman
DANGER 1: There will be no trust in the relationship
You don’t need a fortune teller to tell you that trust is the backbone of any relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship; you’re just two people from different places seeking your own interests. An insecure woman projects her fears from any of the factors mentioned previously into the relationship, which makes it hard for her to trust you.
It’s really frustrating when you can share details about your day, your job, your family, or things you can’t tell a random stranger while she hides hers because she’s afraid of letting you into the inner workings of her life. She might be afraid of a lot of things, including you using her words against her if the relationship doesn’t work out.
Lack of trust hinders emotional intimacy, as you both would be on different frequencies, not understanding each other, and not feeling close to each other. It also hinders your ability to help and share her burdens since she won’t share them with you because of her lack of trust.
If you are dating an insecure woman, just know that your relationship will be one step forward and nine steps backward. It would be stunted.
DANGER 2: There will be unnecessary comparisonÂ
I have never heard or seen anyone who takes it for a joke when someone compares him or her with another person. First of all, you are not that person. Second, and best of all, you do not come from the same background or share the same experiences as that person, so why the comparison?
This is why the danger of dating an insecure woman is that she will compare you or herself with others. Nothing you both ever do will be judged independently of each other. No! It would rather be judged by the standard and lens created for an ex-partner. It goes two ways:
The first is that if she knows your exes or has heard about them, she will be constantly pushing herself to outshine them. She will criticize herself badly when she does things you don’t like or asks you what your exes did that you liked so she can do them for you.
The second is that anything you do to her, she’ll compare it to what her ex did. She might tell you her exes knew her better and did so and so better. Or she might doubt your kind gestures and care for her because her exes abused her or took her for granted. She’s always on the lookout for a sign that is similar to her exes.
If her ex was physically abusive, she will expect you to hit her when you get angry. If her ex gifted her things with conditions, she will weigh them when you give them to her.
Comparing leads to what-ifs, and what-ifs lead to instability. This will make it hard for you to love her completely because even you will be worried about what her next reaction to what you want to do will be.
DANGER 3: Waste of useful time in reassuring her of your love for her
The title seems long, but it is a valid danger of dating an insecure woman. It is okay for her to want reassurance from you once in a while, but there is a problem if she constantly needs validation from you.
If you have to tell her she’s beautiful ten thousand times in a minute when she’s feeling conscious of acne on her skin, it’s a sign she feels insecure and doesn’t have faith in you. When she constantly wants you to boost her morale after each dispute with her family or work colleagues, wanting you to take her side or berating you for doing so, she’s leaning on you for validation.
What would happen on occasions when you can’t be there with her or are unreachable? Would she refuse to chase her dreams, go to school, or go out? Would she cut off ties with her family or any troublesome factor in her life? If continuous reassurance from you, her partner and closest person in the world, does not reassure her, what will?
Soon you will get tired of validating her and feel frustrated. You will feel like a well that only gives and never receives. The outcome? You’ll dry up.
There’s a limit to being a moral supporter. A supporter also needs rest.
DANGER 4: You will become a talkative
This one makes me laugh. Not because it’s not valid, but because reading it sounds a certain way. Talkative? Yes.
I say so because you will have to explain to her every time why you do what you do, why you chose that decision over the other, why you think she’s good enough, why she should trust you, why that lady is always around you, what your buddies are telling you, what advice you are getting from your colleagues, how faithful you have been, how you spent money, and others.
There will be uncertainty clouding your relationship with her. You never know when you have said too little, too much, or nothing at all.
Talking a lot will breed lots of disagreement and discontent, and you will get fed up with the relationship. It might also affect the way you treat other people.
DANGER 5: You will be a prisoner
The danger of dating an insecure woman is that she becomes a leech, clinging to you with all her strength.
She will cling to you not because she loves you but because she is afraid to lose you. She gets anxious because she is afraid the relationship will end and she will be stranded. This stems from her fear of abandonment and low self-esteem, where she feels she is nothing without you and that her life will end if you’re not in it.
It may seem cute at the beginning, but when it goes on and on, it gets annoying. You will feel like a prisoner in your house, in your space, and in your decisions. When she keeps asking if you will leave her over a little disagreement or when she keeps exclaiming that you are her world and her life will cease to exist if you’re not a part of it, that’s danger there.
You become a prisoner because you will begin to act, say, and do things your partner wants because you want to assuage her fears of abandonment. That is not a good way to live, not at all!
DANGER 7: Migraines will be your companionÂ
People complain of migraines when they’ve done a heavy task that stressed their brains and wore them out. One danger of dating an insecure woman is that you will be a regular at the pharmacy for migraine drugs. The reason is that you will argue over unimportant matters.
This is fueled by the anxieties she feels about the relationship, so every little stress will trigger a complaint, which leads to an argument, which leads to headaches. And in trying to find a solution to the complaints, you get migraines.
DANGER 8: You may also obtain securities from her
The danger of dating an insecure woman is that, in the near future, you will acquire her insecurity as well.
Consider if she is feeling inferior and thinks she’s not good enough for you. In trying to convince her she is good enough for you, you begin to think that maybe it’s you that isn’t good enough for her.
You may begin to downplay the things you do and your achievements and make a lot of compromises to make her feel good about herself, which in turn depletes your energy and makes you confused about yourself. And, in the long run, you acquire her insecurity. Insecurity plus insecurity is a ticking time bomb with the capacity to wipe out an entire city.
So, dear reader, I’m going to stop here. These dangers, outlined and explained here, are enough to make you want to reconsider your choices and the relationships you form as a man. They are also enough to make you want to do something about your insecurities as a woman.
There’s nothing cute about dating an insecure woman. No, sir, you can’t save her, mold her, or change her behavior. She is not your creation to alter as you wish. She is a human being, and if she isn’t convinced she has a problem, you, Sir, need to run for your dear life.
A note of warning: in your running or ending of your relationship or advising her to go for counseling and therapy (where necessary), don’t add to the trauma she’s struggling with. You know the factors that caused her insecurity, and you want her to be better.
If you can wait for her to get better, good. If you can’t wait, don’t feel guilty about it. There is a reason the saying is “two good heads are better than one” not “two bad heads”.
