Your current reality as an adult can be easily traced to your childhood experiences and the environment you grew up in.
Our level of socialization is one aspect of life that is heavily influenced by our childhood.
Humans are social beings; it’s a core component of our existence. Anything that tampers with our ability to socialize messes up other areas of our lives.
Studies have shown that a child who grew up lonely will most likely struggle with socialization through adolescence and adulthood.
And by growing up lonely, we mean the child was mostly left to themselves or was not given as much attention as required, forcing them to withdraw.
Apart from not having your parents or relatives’ support and attention, several other factors could have contributed to a lonely childhood:
- Lack of attention, or your parents weren’t patient enough to understand you or adequately address your emotions.
- The feeling of rejection from friends and family
- Frequent relocations, which could have kept you from making friends.
- Overprotection: If you were the kind of child whose parents always wanted you indoors away from your neighbors, you most likely grew up lonely. Some parents overprotect their children so that they are not free to socialize with other children. While the intention may be good, the effect is usually not palatable.
- Death of one’s parents, abandonment at birth or in early years, and adoption
- A separation or divorce hinders a child from getting attention from both parents. And the one they are living with has to spend more time working to be able to foot the bills, so they are never around.
- Your parents divorced and remarried. The loneliness may have heightened if your new stepmom or dad isn’t nice.
- Abuse: All kinds of abuse from people could make you run into your shell. The same thing happens to children who are bullied at school.
Loneliness has a myriad of effects on an individual. It makes you unable to form meaningful connections or interact socially. It comes to a point where you may begin to think you are the problem, which can lead to depression and other health challenges.
It is therefore expedient that we walk you through these 10 signs you grew up lonely so you can understand how a lonely childhood can impact your adulthood and take steps to resolve it.
This will help you see the importance of offering assistance, promoting strong social relationships, and attending to the underlying emotional needs of people who have experienced loneliness in their upbringing. It will also help you understand what you may have been going through and how to get help.
10 Signs You Grew up Lonely
1.  Social Isolation
It’s possible to be in a crowd and feel lonely, or to be alone and not feel lonely.
With social isolation, a person deliberately cuts off social interactions; the person disconnects from society and is in a world of their own.
It could be physical, where the person separates themselves from friends, family, or colleagues. It could also be emotional, where they could be in a room full of people but keep to themselves, refusing to initiate or contribute to conversations.
A child who was isolated growing up never had the opportunity to develop the skills relevant to socialization such as empathy, cooperation, communication skills, conflict resolution, and team spirit. Thus, they do not know how to connect and build lasting relationships.
Social interaction is relevant because it brings balance to our sojourn on earth, improves our quality of life, helps us have a sense of belonging and importance, and reduces the incidence of physical and emotional illnesses.
When this interaction isn’t there, it leads to quite several physical and emotional challenges: depression, anxiety, osteoporosis, cardiovascular problems, and insomnia.
2. Extreme Independence
As a child, you looked up to your parents for help. You believed they could be trusted, but each time you needed their help and they probably weren’t there, a part of you grew cold.
You may also have had to deal with parents who promised they would be at your graduation or a sport you were participating in, but they didn’t show up. And this happened several times, so you had to withdraw to avoid being hurt.
And so, not only did you grow up lonely, but you also grew up believing that the only person you could count on was you.
With excessive independence, you never ask for help from anyone because you don’t want to have to deal with disappointment or rejection. You would prefer to work by yourself rather than in a team.
Independence is good, but when the background stems from loneliness, it is not healthy.
3. You have Poor Self-esteem
Loneliness changes the way you view the world and yourself. Most times, people who grew up feeling lonely usually do not place much value on themselves.
They have battered self-esteem because, while growing up and experiencing abuse, rejection, or bullying, they thought that something must have been wrong with them.
And over time, you find that you think you would never fit in or aren’t worthy of the things and friendships that you have. You doubt your abilities and wouldn’t want to try new things.
You constantly criticize yourself and are not internally motivated.
4. You are Clingy in Relationships
The love and attention deficit from your childhood could make you clingy when you eventually get into a relationship.
Since you’ve found someone who gives you the attention and support that you have longed for for a long time, you impulsively and constantly demand your partner’s reassurance, validation, physical proximity, help, and communication. It’s quite understandable, but it could be overbearing.
It could also be the reason why some people do not walk out of toxic relationships. Because your toxic partner gives you whatever little attention they can and treats you anyhow, and you prefer to endure the abuse than go through the loneliness of leaving the relationship.
5. Daydreaming
Because no one around or no one really gave you attention, you created imaginary people—your parents, your friends, your relatives, and even yourself. They were flawless, loving, and available.
Your imagination was a source of solace. A place where you weren’t so lonely; It helped while it lasted. And you probably spent a huge chunk of your life in it.
As an adult, you are probably used to escaping to your world of fantasies. It could also continue to keep you from making meaningful connections and being open with others since your mind is your best friend.
While not all daydreaming may be a result of loneliness, it is usually common for people who grew up in a lonely environment.
6. Lack of Trust
Trust is a prerequisite for all healthy relationships, including those between family members and friends.
Trust, once broken, is not easily patched. And so once a child’s trust is shattered as a result of being constantly misunderstood, looked down on, abused, abandoned, or not having their needs met, that child may find it difficult to lean on people.
And then that child grows into an adult who has trust issues and barricades people from getting too close to their hearts.
If they manage to relate to people, they find it difficult to share details of their lives with them for fear of being betrayed. It’s worse if they had been vulnerable in a relationship only to have been abandoned or rejected. They recoil even deeper into their shells.
7. You are addicted to technology
Most adults grow up in front of a television. It was the only way most parents knew to keep their children busy.
Children who lacked social interactions and real friends made friends with the virtual animated characters on their television screens because they were not getting the attention and emotional connection they needed.
And though it never sufficed, it was much better than feeling unloved.
With the advent of social media, virtual interaction is the in-thing. The children, now adults, are constantly on their phones or playing video games. They also spend a lot of time binge-watching television shows or series.
They idolize celebrities and spend most of their time roaming the social media streets.
Sometimes, that’s what most people who grew up poor can do to be able to fill the void. And if all this explains your lifestyle, then it’s likely a sign you grew up lonely.
8. Materialism
Materialism—an excessive desire to accumulate material possessions and wealth—can be a sign you grew up in a lonely environment.
While material possessions may not be bad in themselves, the excessive desire to get them could be indicative of a childhood that didn’t go so well
So the excessive shopping spree could be you trying to feel better about your loneliness, albeit temporarily. It could also manifest itself as gluttony or keeping a great number of pets.
You may not necessarily need the things you accumulate, but you amass them just to make you feel good about yourself and to create a sense of worth.
9. Easily Irritated
A lonely childhood can shape an adult’s emotions and responses to situations. The struggle with low self-esteem, rejection, validation, and inadequate social interactions could make such individuals highly irritable.
They may have episodes of anger outbursts, especially because they missed learning basic social skills such as conflict resolution. They easily misunderstand others and interpret situations as rejection or abandonment.
They also have such outbursts as a means to get attention. In the long run, this makes them unapproachable.
10. Workaholism
While many people might view a workaholic as someone who loves to be productive and successful, it could also be a person trying to escape from loneliness by burying himself or herself in their work.
The fear of neglect and rejection that stemmed from one’s experiences growing up could push them to throw themselves into their work.
They could also be content with the attention and accolades that come with being successful. It also gives them a sense of purpose and worth.
In the event of a lonely childhood, you must decide to break free from the mental shackle and live a full life.
Not only is loneliness eating up your emotional health, but studies show that it could lead to the deterioration of your physical health.
You can begin to live on the sunny side of life. Talk to a therapist today and take deliberate steps to seek out meaningful relationships.
Your childhood is in your past; don’t let it define your present and future.
