You’ve likely unfriended someone on Facebook at some point due to some offensive comments. Probably about politics, religion, childcare, food, or any other topic. You may even have a person or two that you actively avoid because you don’t want to engage in a conversation with them.
This is especially true if you haven’t figured out the 10 ways to have a better conversation with them. To play it safe, you may resort to following the advice of Henry Higgins in the book “My Fair Lady,” where he suggests sticking to discussions about the weather and your health. However, these topics are not always safe either. Even the most trivial issues can lead to heated arguments.
It is not bad to debate over any topic. However, you’ve got to discover ways to have a better conversation. There are several strategies you can employ to improve your conversational skills and engage in more meaningful interactions.
Here are 10 ways to have a better conversation with anyone
These strategies for having a better conversation were gleaned from Celeste Hedlee’s Ted X presentation, research findings, as well as from everyday life and experiences. Let’s dive in.
1. Eliminate Distractions
One of the best 10 ways to have a better conversation is to eliminate distractions. If you want to have a great conversation with somebody, then you should shut out other voices and vices, focusing only on the sender and the message. You should be present and fully engaged in the conversation. Don’t be halfway in and halfway out, thinking of other things. Be so fully immersed in the conversation that you care less about anything else happening around you.
Renowned researcher and author Brené Brown emphasizes the importance of being present in conversations. She encourages us to put away distractions, such as phones or laptops, and be actively involved with the person we are talking with. Having wandering thoughts or multitasking while in conversation can be detrimental.
If you are not in the right mood for the conversation and want to get off it, simply say so. It’s better than nodding your head along with everything the other person is saying, even though you are miles away from the conversation.
Look the person you’re conversing within the eyes. Doing this will help you pay more attention and be more focused on the conversation. Be in the moment to demonstrate respect and show that you value the person you are conversing with.
2. Allow for Feedback
One of the 10 powerful ways to have a better conversation is to allow for feedback. You can’t possibly state your opinion, which can be for or against the other party’s thoughts, without any opportunity for response or disagreement. If you want such a thing, then go talk to a dummy.
Every conversation should be conversational, indeed. You need to enter every conversation with the intent of learning something new. Bill Nye said, and I quote, “Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don’t.” This means someone can be an expert in a field that you have little or no knowledge of.
To have a better conversation, you should stop being self-centered. Speak and listen more to the other party, too. There’s a need for balance in every great conversation. The give-and-take phenomenon should come into play here. If you keep to this rule, then this is a sure way to have a better conversation.
3. Be Subjective by Using Open-Ended Questions
Using open-ended questions is another valuable technique for incorporating Celeste Headlee’s 10 ways to have a better conversation into your daily interactions. Often referred to as the “journalist strategy,” this approach involves starting your questions with who, what, when, where, why, or how.
By posing open-ended questions, you encourage individuals to provide more elaborate responses, allowing for deeper reflection and self-expression.
For instance, consider the difference between asking a closed-ended question like, “Were you terrified?” This type of question only elicits a simple yes or no response.
On the other hand, if you reframe the question as, “What was the feeling like?” you create space for the person to articulate and explore their emotions more fully. This prompts them to reflect and openly share their experiences, enabling a deeper connection and understanding to develop between you.
4. Do it Naturally
One of the 10 essential ways to have a better conversation is by doing it naturally. Certain thoughts will come into your mind that you will want to express while conversing. Let those thoughts come and go. Don’t be too conscious of what to say or ask. Be expressive as much as possible. Let it all out, and have so much fun doing that.
Being natural in a conversation allows you to truly connect with the other person on a deeper level. Instead of worrying about saying the perfect thing or following a script, embrace the spontaneity of the moment.
Go with the flow of the discussion. Authenticity shines through when you let your thoughts flow freely, and it creates a comfortable environment where both parties can express themselves openly.
Moreover, embracing the present moment allows us to appreciate each individual’s unique qualities and perspectives in the conversation. It encourages curiosity and a genuine interest in learning from others. Stop being overly self-conscious and let go of those filler thoughts. The beauty of a conversation lies in its natural and unfiltered nature.
5. Be Honest
While searching for the 10 ways to have a better conversation, be careful about your claims. what you say. Be honest and sincere; talk should not be cheap.
Claiming expertise on a subject you are not well-versed in can lead to misinformation or misunderstandings. Be transparent about your limitations, as it demonstrates integrity and promotes trust in your conversations.
6. It’s not a Competition
To have a better conversation, realize that it’s not a competition. When they’re grieving, in a bid to console them, please don’t be tempted to start talking about how you lost a dear one too. If they’re talking about how much trouble they’re getting from work, don’t tell them about the hell you’re going through. All experiences are individual; they are never the same.
It is also important to note that at that point, it is not about you. They’re trying to express their deepest pain to you. You don’t have to steal the moment to prove how much you’ve suffered too. It doesn’t make them feel any better. Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.
7. Do not be Repetitive
Being repetitive is boring, demanding, and exhausting. Trying not to be repetitive is a way to have a better conversation. Repetition can hinder the flow and progression of a conversation. It can make communication feel stagnant and monotonous, leaving both parties disengaged.
To avoid falling into this pattern, listen to the other person and respond thoughtfully. Instead of rephrasing the same sentence repeatedly, strive to introduce new ideas, perspectives, or examples that contribute to the conversation’s growth.
You could also research the topic to be discussed beforehand so you can make meaningful contributions and keep the conversation dynamic, engaging, and captivating for everyone involved. Variety and fresh insights are key to maintaining a stimulating conversation that leaves a lasting impact.
8. Leave Out the Details
Another way to have a better conversation is by leaving out unnecessary details from the discussion. When you do this, you make the conversation simpler, more relatable, and more meaningful. We allow the conversation to flow smoothly by eliminating unnecessary details, allowing both parties to fully engage and connect on a deeper level.
Susan Cain, a well-known author, and speaker, discussed the importance of focusing on personal connections rather than excessive details in her research, “The Power of Personal Connection in Conversations.” Cain discovered that conversations that revolved around personal interests, shared experiences, and emotions fostered stronger connections and engagement between individuals than those bogged down with unnecessary details.
Focus more on shared interests, personal experiences, and emotions while conversing. That’s how you create space for genuine connections to thrive. So, the next time you find yourself in a conversation, consider leaving out the unnecessary details and instead emphasizing the aspects that truly resonate with the other person. You’d be on your way to having a better conversation if you followed this rule.
9. Cultivate the Habit of Listening
These 10 ways to have a better conversation wouldn’t be complete without cultivating the habit of listening. We fail to have a great conversation because we’re not listening to each other.
Often, we are so eager to share our thoughts and opinions that we neglect to truly listen to the other person. However, true communication occurs when we give our undivided attention to the speaker, seeking to understand their perspective and empathize with their experiences.
Stephen Covey said, “Most of us don’t listen with the intent to understand; we listen with the intent to reply”. That’s not far from the truth, either. A great conversation involves a fair balance between talking and listening. So, let’s make a conscious effort to prioritize listening over speaking.
The famous therapist M. Scott Peck said that true listening is a setting aside of oneself. Sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion. He ascertained that upon sensing this acceptance, the speaker would feel less and less vulnerable and more likely to open up the inner recesses of their mind to the listener.
Ensure you keep your ears open and refrain from speaking as often as you can. Be open-minded and always ready to broaden your knowledge and gain valuable insight.
10. Brevity is Key
Lastly, one sure way to have a better conversation is to be brief. An anonymous speaker once said, “A short conversation is like a miniskirt: short enough to retain interest and long enough to cover the subject.” Brevity in conversation not only captures and maintains interest but also helps to convey information more effectively.
When conversations are concise and brief, you’ll end up feeling more engaged, focused, and persuaded. We’d effectively capture and retain the interest of our audience if we kept our discussions concise and focused on the subject matter.
So, now that you have the 10 ways to have a better conversation at your fingertips, start practicing. Cultivate active listening skills, and keep your conversations brief and honest. Avoid repetitions, and learn to eliminate every distraction while conversing. Start imbibing open-ended questions into your talk. Finally, keep it natural, and empathetic.
