What are the 7 Signs You Are More like Roommates Than Spouses?
- Do yourself a favor and answer the following questions before you proceed.
- Does your partner still notice your new hair, clothes or looks?
- Does your partner still call you those sweet pet names you loved when you first got married?
- Does your partner relate to you how their day went after coming home from work,?
- Do they emphasize the good, the bad, and the ugly that they did when the marriage was fresh?
- Do you still hold that early morning or late night discussion in bed like before?
If you answered yes to any one of the above questions, then you need to read this article to find out what went wrong.
Most of us have heard stories about various marriages that ended up being more of a romantic relationship it started as a situational relationship.
A lot of marriages struggle with intimacy immediately after the honeymoon stage because they are not prepared for challenges early on in the marriage.
Not all marriages are happy and enjoyable; not all marriages were built on love and trust; some were built by family arrangements and matchmaking that finally went wrong after they said I do. (This is not trying to imply that arranged marriages do not work out.)
Other marriages were built on mutual love, romance and trust, but things finally went wrong.
Within the twinkle of an eye, you feel like your relationship has become more of a practical arrangement like two roommates sharing a space. Somehow, things have changed, but you can’t pinpoint exactly what.
Before you know it, a lot of water has gone under the bridge, and you are struggling to reignite the fire that was once there, if the zeal has not already left.
There is no longer interest in one another physically and emotionally; you both cohabit in a platonic manner, and it feels as if the magic is gone and the romance has finally died.
This setting is referred to as “roommate marriage” or “roommate syndrome”. This situation can be described as an arrangement, directly or indirectly between spouses or partners, where romance, intimacy and love have receded into the background.
At this phase, you and your spouse begin to act more like buddies than a romantic couple; you both have stopped seeing the bond you have as special, and it has gradually become a platonic relationship featuring husbands and wives living under the same roof, sharing everything except sexual relationships and romance.
Sadly, most of us have been in relationships where the beginning is very exciting and promising, but as time goes on, you become so comfortable, and then too comfortable, with your spouse that your sparks die off and you gradually become just roommates.
However, before your relationship finally fades into just roommates, certain signs should hint at what is going to happen if you don’t put in effort to rekindle what was lost.
We will be discussing 7 signs you are more than roommates than spouses to help you observe your marriage and act accordingly before too much water goes under.
Numerous factors play a role in aiding and abetting roommate syndrome.
According to marriage counselor Irina Baechle, the couples who come to her for counseling say they still see themselves as best friends. “They have gotten through some happy and hard times together and feel like they can be themselves with each other. So, what’s the issue?”
She further noted that there’s a fine line between friendship and marriage and many couples do cross it without noticing.
There are so many instances that can turn what seemed like a thriving marriage into a roommate marriage within a short time.
Many people get married without the idea of understanding the ups and downs, marriage is a test that will challenge you every day except you are willing to work to ensure its smooth running.
In fact, after marriage, so many spouses go through a lot of ups and downs and most of them lose hope in the process, so they don’t even think about rekindling their love if there was one, they just grow cold and adjust to being passively married.
A few factors that play a role in roommate syndrome include:
- Sexual differences
- Incompatibility before marriage: an incompatible marriage will only go this far and then each spouse would eventually stop trying to make it work but won’t bother to go their separate ways especially when it was an arranged marriage. They will be contented with living with each other and tolerating each other as roommates
When there are no boundaries between spouses and partners become too occupied with their work and interest without prioritizing their spouse.
So, how can you tell if your relationship is on the verge of becoming a roommate marriage?
Simple, watch out for these 7 signs you are more like roommates than spouses
7 Signs You Are More Like Roommates Than Spouses
1. No more sex
One of the 7 Signs You Are More like Roommates Than Spouses is not having sex at all times. Not having sex is the most unusual thing for a married couple. This is simply a huge red flag that your marriage is deteriorating and you are leaning towards roommate syndrome.
According to Newsweek, approximately 20% of couples are in a sexless marriage. Physical intimacy is very important in a marriage.
Research has severally shown that sex is good and helps to keep the affection in a marriage, couples who regularly have sex tend to have a higher level of marital satisfaction than those who do not.
That being said, lack of sexual intercourse is a clear sign that you are more like roommates than spouses.
2. You are both too busy and complacent
When you and your spouse become too busy, complacency creeps in and no one is accountable to anyone anymore. You both put your hobbies and jobs as a priority, neglecting your emotional and physical needs as a couple.
You find yourself having a brief hello, hello conversation and going to do your own thing, not like having hobbies or engaging with your friends is bad but if you both have separate schedules including your eating time, waking time, and sleeping time you do things differently all the time, that’s one of the signs that you are more like roommates than spouses.
3. Your marriage has become a chore
There will be no more connection between you and your spouse when your marriage feels like a chore.
You have a routine that doesn’t include any together time for idle chit chat and catching up, your marriage feels like doing the laundry or cleaning the house, you don’t feel happy in their presence and anytime you both sit in the living room, it only involves you watching your favorite show or him playing video games.
It means your marriage has lost its touch and you both are living like roommates.
4. You ignore conflicts
Having conflicts is normal in every marriage. Show me a marriage without conflict and I will show you a building without pillars. It’s that obvious.
You are not living with a clone of yourself, you are living with a person with an entirely different personality and perspective so issues are bound to arise.
When couples ignore sparks of conflict and sweep them under the rug or when one spouse is angry at the other but refuses to show it for the issue to be addressed it means that they are no longer invested in the relationship.
They would rather live with resentment and hostility than address the elephant in the room.
It means they don’t care and that bites more than actually arguing because it shows that a straw has been broken. Their marriage does not matter to them anymore.
5. You no longer have meaningful conversations
Conversations are a great way to keep intimacy going. If your conversations have gone past being about deep, soulful things to just mundane things, like paying bills, kids appointments, and house chores then your marriage has roommate syndrome.
Of course, it’s necessary to have practical conversations with your spouse but having intimate conversations is what makes it different from a platonic relationship.
6. There’s no emotional or spiritual connection or support
There are no longer simple things like a subtle touch, holding hands, strolling together, or feeling alone amid challenges, then heads up, you need to check what is going on because that is one of the 7 signs that you are more like roommates than spouses.
Emotional connection is very necessary because when things get tough, your spouse should be the first one you run to for support. After all, they’re the closest to you at that point. If there’s an emotional and spiritual connection, scaling problems would be easier.
7. You are crushing on someone else
When there is no longer a spark in your marriage or you got married in terms that were not yours, maintaining your partner may become difficult and the roommate syndrome creeps in because you are not emotionally present.
This is what gives room to having a crush outside your spouse and finally leads to infidelity.
This is a major red flag for any marriage and can lead to divorce.
Every phase of a marriage is a phase and should not be swept under the rug.
To successfully scale each phase, both partners have to be committed to making it work out with each other. One of the ways to keep your marriage and avoid the roommate phase is to seek marriage counseling.
