There are different reasons people decide to observe the no contact rule. Maybe you got cheated on and decided to cut off all forms of contact with your partner to check if he’s truly remorseful, or maybe your seemingly cool relationship was abruptly brought to an end and you were left in the dark by your ex wondering what went wrong. What better way to process your hurt than to cease communication with such an ex with the subtle hope that they will come off it and realize their mistake?

However, after deciding to cut off contact with your ex, you may feel you’ve waited too long and the results you hoped for aren’t actualizing. You begin to get frustrated and wonder if something went wrong in the process.

First of all, you should understand that the no contact rule is a sure bet because it will help you decide where you stand in the relationship, give you time to process your feelings, and help you make a better decision concerning your relationship. It is not a manipulative scheme aimed at getting your ex back.

So, before you embark on cutting off contact with an ex, do well to remind yourself of the reason for choosing to do so in the first place, so you don’t lose sight of yourself and plunge yourself into a bigger mess.

Also, if you have been following the no-contact rule for the latter and you think it’s not working, well, you might be expecting results too soon, don’t you think? You have to give it time to work.

Let’s also quickly clarify that just because your ex hasn’t come back to you doesn’t mean the rule isn’t working. It may mean that, finally, you have to move on because they are not for you. If such timing hasn’t brought them back to their senses, then you are no longer it for them.

So whether your ex comes back or not, make use of that timing to heal.

If, after a long period of observing the rule, you noticed that nothing has changed and you are looking for proof that the no contact rule is not working as planned, this article is for you.

5 Signs The No Contact Rule Is Not Working

SIGN 1: Your EX Moved On

Your ex moving on when you clearly are not over the relationship is a huge emotional blow to you. If your ex suddenly began seeing someone else, it is one of the 5 signs the no contact rule is not working for you.

While that is very hurtful, what you need to do is not sulk or begin wishing you hadn’t kept to the rule in the first place; you need to channel your energy back to yourself and move on too. No contact now is mainly for you because you do not want to relate to your ex while your wound is still fresh. It might open up new waves of unprocessed emotions. Stay detached from your ex and focus your energy on your growth and development, both mentally and emotionally.

Do your best to quell your obsession and anxiety over your ex and try to put all that happened behind you in order to move on.

SIGN 2: You Are Stalking Your EX

First of all, that is a breach of your no-contact rule. Yes, you may say you are not sending messages, calling, or communicating in any way, but you’re stalking. You found a way to keep tabs on their social media—not the ones you have blocked them on, but the new fake accounts you have created just to follow up on their lives. Or maybe you both have mutual friends, and you go about asking around for the latest updates on their lives—who are they with, where did they go last week? Is he coming to the party this Saturday?

Let’s face the truth upfront.

He’s been hearing about you too, yes? Those friends you have been asking for updates take word back to him, yes? He might have also suspected you of being behind those fake accounts commenting on his posts, and yet he’s not reaching out, yes? What does that say about all your efforts? Futile. Why? Because these actions make him feel like you are still around him, he does not miss you. He knows you’ve not gotten over him and thinks you won’t, so he’s not bothered to reach out. Maybe he’s thinking you will eventually tire out and reach out first.

You are not giving yourself any breathing space to get better and move on. You have to stop keeping tabs; don’t ask about them. Don’t go to places just to see them and then pretend it’s a coincidence.

Thus, stalking your ex is one of the 5 signs the no-contact rule is not working.

SIGN 3: Your EX Takes Too Long To Reach Out

If your ex takes too long to reach out, it is an indication that he may never reach out, and it’s one of the 5 signs the no contact rule is not working.

Maybe you gave yourself a specific time frame for no contact, and after that period, there’s still no sign of your ex trying to come around. It’s time to move on. You might feel that all your efforts have been in vain, but look inward; has it really been in vain?

Are you still obsessed with your ex, like you were when the breakup was still fresh in your mind?

Do you entertain thoughts of being in another relationship? If so, the no-contact period worked in your favor. You might not have completely gotten over your ex, but you have made subtle progress, so you’re not eaten up by those foreign feelings any longer.

Your no-contact rule might not have worked, but you’ve found healing.

SIGN 4: Your EX Stays Bitter And Malicious 

One of the 5 signs the no-contact rule is not working is if your ex remains bitter after a long time between the breakups. Normally, the no contact rule is to give you both space from each other and time to process what went wrong in the relationship, then, if possible, make amends and reunite.

So, if you ever come across your ex and they still seem angry and bitter towards you, then the whole purpose of the no contact rule is defeated.

Your ex isn’t ready to change their perception of you, acknowledge their flaws or mistakes, or forgive you for yours.

This means that even keeping no contact won’t be able to change anything, as they have no plans of getting back together. Since no one is ready to put things behind them and move on, the no contact rule is irrelevant.

SIGN 5: You Regret Imposing The Rule On Yourself

So you wish you hadn’t started it at all. How much good do you think you would have earned?

If there’s anything you should be sure of before doing something, it’s the WHY. If you’re clear on your reason, you should please yourself, motivate yourself, show up, and follow it through. No one said it was a bed of roses.

Starting up and then, sooner or later, regretting your decision is one of the 5 signs the no-contact rule is not working.

Though you may not admit it, you constantly feel like there would have been something else—some other method—that would have brought your ex back quickly, even if it meant dropping your standards and groveling for a second chance.

Well, sad to say, you are ruining your chances at healing for yourself by channeling your energy into the greater mistake of reaching out to your ex when you are no longer wanted.

That’s one sure way to set yourself up for fresh heartbreak and possibly more downtime.

Conclusively, both the dumper (your ex) and the dumpee (you) go through different stages of post-breakup thought. Dealing with it is different for each party, which is why the no contact rule is necessary to check if they’re better off apart or just need time to realize their mistakes and make up again.

If the no-contact rule is not working, it might be a sign that it is time to move on. Yes, breakups hurt, but some breakups are essential to the growth and development of the other party because they were not in a relationship committed to bringing out the best in each other.

Toxicity in a relationship should never be tolerated, so always watch out for these 5 sign the no contact rule is not working, and if you nodded your head to at least three of these signs, you’re guilty of not wanting growth for yourself. So, check up and get yourself aligned with your reasons for not contacting your ex. Follow it through and see where it leads you.